Rajesh finds a match on Tinder. A beautiful twenty five year old medical student with cute dimples and blue eyes. The chatting began with a simple “Hi”, and followed by interesting, deep conversations that lasted for hours.
She loved reading, traveling and was a A. R. Rehman fan. It was as if Tinder had found Rajesh his soulmate.
She was perfect for him in every way, like the girl in your day dreams you imagine finding and spending your life with, but despite the connection and all the long conversation, Rajesh never asked her out on a date.
He wanted to but he didn’t. He understood that she was expecting him to ask, and thought she’d judge him for not doing it. The texts got less frequent, the conversations became shorter and shorter and eventually they stopped talking.
Rajesh never asked her out because he was worried.
Worried about being judged. Worried about being rejected. Worried that he was not the same guy that was in his profile picture that he uploaded of two years before.
That she’d see him and notice the hair he had lost since that picture was taken and declare him a fraud.
Hair loss and baldness are things we often ignore as being harmless, but only those who suffer from it will understand how devastating realizing that you are going bald is.
People like Rajesh are suffering silently and missing out on great opportunities because they have developed low self esteem and believe people will judge them because of their looks.
Just look at the example of celebrity hair stylist James Brown. He started losing hair in his twenties and suffered another twenty years before seeking professional help.
He always wore hats, which became his signature style, but he didn’t wear hats as a fashion choice but to cover his bald spot.
This solution is simple enough for anyone conscious about their baldness but in case of Mr. Brown the problem was much worse. He couldn’t take off his hat. Even at the airports, he would get very anxious about taking off his hat.
It got to the point when it was so bad, I didn’t want to take my hat off. Those minutes before going through security and taking my hat off, they were torture for me he said.
Mental problems when left untreated get worse. In India where mention of mental illness is frowned upon, people are reluctant to get professional help because of the fear of getting judged.
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Hair loss is not just a vanity problem and it’s certainly not harmless. A major study about the negative psychological effects of hair loss has revealed that hair loss can trigger serious psychological breakdown.
It could lead to exaggerated feelings of ugliness and even trigger body dysmorphic disorder.
For most people, hair loss leads to low self-confidence and affects their quality of life. They go out less to avoid social situations, they get nervous about asking out attractive people.
The world is obsessed with hair – How important are they really?
Hair are important. They have been since ancient times. For Greeks, elaborate wigs were a sign of status and wealth. Attractive hair have been always valued in different cultures around the world.
The masters shaved off the heads of their slaves as a gesture of dominance.
Hair have always been associated with power and strength.
The face is the most important feature when in comes to first impressions. It also plays an important role when it comes to attraction between people.
Hair frames the face and hence plays a major part in appearance. People spend thousands on hair care & styling products.
All of this because looks matter. How attractive we think we look strongly affects our self esteem and confidence.
This is when hair come into play. We have the freedom to style it the way we want, it gives us a sense of control. You can cut, color, highlight, and style it the way you want to. Losing hair makes us feel like we’re losing control and that can cause anxiety.
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What do women find attractive in a man? Turns out, it’s something you can control.
More than your God given looks, women care about how much effort you put into looking good. It’s not what you have but what you do with what you have. That’s why to improve your chances of finding a beautiful partner, put in some effort into grooming and style.
Also, confidence matters. A lot. The more confident you are the more attractive people will find you.
Ironically, if you are balding and that’s affecting your confidence it may make you less attractive. Not because you look bad, but because you feel like you do. This in turn hurts your self esteem even more, because you conclude that it’s the lack of hair that’s making you unappealing to women.
Women may be affected more by this. Women want to be desired and losing their hair will make them feel unattractive.
Same advice works for women. Don’t worry about what you can’t change and focus on improving what you already have. Men find women who put in effort into looking good very attractive. So, pay attention to your style and fashion.
Those eyes staring at you – Do people judge you for having less hair?
Cornell University psychologist Thomas Gilovich, Ph.D, did an experiment. He sent a group of newcomers to an undergraduate class wearing Barry Manilow t-shirts.
He later asked the students if they thought their classmates had noticed their clothing. They thought that half their peers had been silently snickering at them.
But in fact only about 23 percent of the students had even noticed the questionable choice of clothing.
The study, and many more similar ones, demonstrates that people have tendency to overestimate how often people notice not only how they look but also what they do.
This is called as the spotlight effect. It’s human nature. We all do it. The important thing is not to let it go too far. Not let it affect your life. If you pass up opportunities because you are afraid people will judge, you will miss out on great things in life.
The point is most people won’t even notice your bald spot. You’re exaggerating it in your mind. Those people you see staring at your head are probably lost in thoughts and don’t even realize where they’re looking.
Do people judge you because of your bald head? Some of them, yes. Those will be always there, but most people don’t. They are too busy with their own lives and problems.
The secret to happiness for bald people – Realize what’s important
First of all, realize that people don’t care about your baldness as much as you think they do. Your friends and loved ones like you and respect you for who you are and not how many hair you have on your head. Avoid those people who make you feel worse about your hair. If you don’t you will suffer.
Also, when it comes to attractiveness to the opposite sex, you have other features that they will find attractive so don’t let your hair hold you back.
It is always a great idea to get a professional hair stylist to find the best hairstyle that suits you.
Don’t worry about what you don’t have, but take what you already have and utilize it. In this case use whatever hair you have and find the best hairstyle that suits you.
You can also try hats or scarfs as long as they look fashionable and suit you. Consult a stylist.
If hair loss is causing you anxiety or signs of depression, you have to get professional help. Consult a therapist.
If hair loss is affecting the quality of your life, then it’s worth the effort and money to get help. Nothing is more important than your sanity.
If Rajesh had just gathered the courage and asked her out, may be she would have liked him. Rajesh will never know because he never did.
How will people fall in love with you if you don’t give them a chance to.
Note: Rajesh is not the real name of the subject. His details have been changed to protect his privacy